The Dawn

“It’s always Darkest before the Dawn.”

Thomas Fuller said that in 1650, and while his body has crumbled away, his words remain in our current collective consciousness.

In my experience, I have found it to be true. I was considering suicide. I had a plan, I had set a date, I had even come up with a way for it to look like an accident so my family and friends would not blame themselves. There was one thing that I had forgotten.

At the time, I was living with three other girls I had met my freshmen year of college. We had all lived in the same corridor of the same dorm and gotten close. Although they knew something was wrong with me, they did not know how bad it truly was. And in my depressed state of mind, I had forgotten, Cynthia’s* birthday.

I had planned to kill myself on the day of her birthday party. I loved her to much to risk her being the one to find my body on her birthday. So I decided to wait a week. One more week would certainly make no big difference one way or another.

Two days after the party, I got a phone call. Months earlier, when I had still been able to get out of bed and still cared about things like brushing my teeth, I had called my schools counseling center. They had been completely booked up for months and the earliest appointment they could give me was months away. The phone call was to remind me that my appointment was the next day.

I did not know it then, but this was the first step I would take in order to start the healing process.

What do you do when you have no idea where your life is going?

If you figure it out, let me know.

*Name has been changed

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