I Had An Eating Disorder

I need to preface this with saying that I am not a medical professional. This is all my personal experience and opinions.

I was 13 years old, with all the typical 13 year old insecurities. I had always been heavier that the average kid, plus I was short which did not help. At school, I was the shy girl with few friends and was picked on by the other kids. Worst of all my mother was  sick, at one point nearly died, and I was alone in the house with her most of the time.

My siblings at the time were all out of state and my dad was at work, so I acted as my moms primary care giver and was therefore unable to get away from the situation.

It felt like I had no control over anything. I couldn’t magically make friends appear or make my mom better, but I could control what I ate.

That’s where the trouble started. I kept telling myself that I didn’t have an eating disorder, because I wasn’t making myself throw up. I was eating after all, I would have an entire apple, then run on the treadmill for four hours straight. Then I would have three whole sticks of celery. Even when I was having supplements in place of actual food for meals, I refused to acknowledge that I had a problem.

In retrospect, it wasn’t even about how I looked, I just wanted to feel like I had some sort of control over my life. Thankfully, when I was 5 ft 2 and under 94 lbs, my sister came home and noticed something was wrong. She and the rest of my family got me the help that I needed, and for that I am eternally grateful.

What do you do when you have no idea where your life is going?

If you have the answer, let me know.

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